kingcheddarxvii:

Had a dream just now that Macklemore was named TIME magazine’s Most Muggable Musician and he showed up at an interview to accept the award and they mugged him

cyanblur:

i remember one time the simpsons made a joke about fox news and they got so insulted they tried to sue them but the court was like “this aired on ur network u can’t sue urself”

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor

Wheres my tractor

jobhaver:

secret government agent: tell me right now, do aliens smoke weed

mulder: [tied to a chair in a dark room] i wont ever tell you this

secret government agent: *punches mulder in the face* what kind of weed do aliens smoke

mulder: *spits blood on the agent*

secret government agent: where can i buy this dank ass space weed

mulder: fuck you